Anna Pulley, @annapulley
RedEye's sex columnist
9:57 AM CDT, October 30, 2013
I am wondering what I must do to make a relationship stronger. The story is that I met a person through another friend. I made my intentions known, but to no avail the first time. After a period of time, we met again, and this time he asked me to "play." I was ready the first time we met, so of course, I enjoyed the encounter. Now I have called him, and he has eventually called me back, which made my day. We have even seen each other since, but I seem to be the one who wants a lot more to come of this. He has his moments, but I am the more emotional one. How do I get him to invest more into our "friendship/relationship?" Please advise!--Wantin' More
When it comes to investments, Wantin' More, my sources (Yahoo! answers and Bob Ross reruns) tell me that you can't go wrong with happy little trees and a 15 percent share of he’s-just-not-that-into-you, don't-waste-your-time stocks.
If I’ve learned anything from my attempts to woo Oprah with haiku and tasteful cheese platters, it is this: You can’t convince someone to fall for you. It’s tempting to try. Damn near irresistible, actually. But you can’t force it, no matter how big your wants are and how fervently they’re aimed in his direction. Does this guy like you? The short answer: Yes. The long answer: Yes, but not enough.
You’ve made a few strides (and rides) with your fella, for which I give you an internet high-five and a small bag of Tostitos Scoops. But I also encourage you to leave it at that--a fun, occasional tryst you have with each other while you spend the vast majority of your time investing in someone who’ll invest in you back. Relationships that are worthy of your time are those whose returns are equal to their giving (to keep this stock market metaphor going ad infinitum).
Backburner-ing your feelings for this dude will work in two ways. One, it’ll help you prioritize relationships that are reciprocal, and two, as we learned a while back, playing hard to get actually works. Being less available will probably spur some renewed interest on his part. But, again, don’t lose sight of the greater goal--focus on you and your life and people who are willing to go halfsies with you. Find someone worthy of your heart’s attention. You deserve nothing less.
Your dilemma has little to do with being “the emotional one,” I assure you. It’s just that the object of your affection doesn’t have the same level of interest. Hence, invest in you. That relationship is a bond that never expires or yields negative dividends.
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