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Getting dumped: How to cope

Anna Pulley, @annapulley

RedEye's sex columnist

1:06 PM CDT, October 10, 2011

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I'm trying to get over my ex-girlfriend who cheated on and dumped me. I've done so by cutting her out of my life completely, defriending her on Facebook, the whole shebang. But I still think about her constantly. And I've taken to writing her letters, but not sending them, as a way to cope with the urges I have to contact her. Is it helpful to have an outlet or am I just reinforcing my obsession with her?

~Reluctant Scribe


Maybe a little of both. But that's okay. We all cope with loss in different ways. The only important thing is that you stick to your goal of not contacting her until you've successfully rid her from your system. You're doing the work. You're getting there. Just don't let these mini-therapy letters turn you into some Ryan-Gosling-in-The-Notebook crazypants. Writing is incredibly cathartic, but don't let it turn into a crutch. If you find that you're using your words to fixate instead of heal, then Ur Doin It Wrong. Example of wrongness: If you are listing all the ways this girl was your everlasting soul mate and why oh why can't she see how amazeballs you are.

If that doesn't sound like you? Great. You're probably fine then. Sometimes the best person to converse with is yourself, especially when your friends grow tired of your emo, Pete Wentz-ian ways. Realize that your life is ultimately better when you have good people who legitimately care about you in. As long as you know that, then you can pen as many unsent missives as you please.

Oh, you're a lesbian! Answer me this. What is roller derby, exactly?

~Anonymous


I'm pretty sure Drew Barrymore already solved (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1172233/) this baffling conundrum. But fine. If memory serves, "roller derby" is one of many excuses lesbians use to get drunk in the suburbs during the daytime. Other leisurely lush activities include: kickball, brunch, and attending a Unitarian Universal church service.