Entertainment Entertainment Dating

How to talk pubic hair with your girlfriend without getting smacked

I adore my girlfriend. She's hot and smart and funny—the whole package. She also happens to be very petite, with a youngish face, which is all well and good, except when combined with the fact that she waxes her hoo-ha, it makes her look, well, pre-pubescent. I know it's her body, but I'm the one that's down there all the time, and frankly, it weirds me out! How can I broach this subject without getting smacked? —Wants a little hair down there

Well, Humbert Humbert, I'm a feminist and am therefore contractually obligated to tell you a woman's body is her own, and she can do whatever she wants with it, including going all Edward Scissorhands on her snatch. But, I also don't think it's that big of a deal to put in your request. It'd be one thing if the situation was reversed, and you wanted her to start a regular (expensive, painful) waxing regimen for your benefit. Or if she was a champion breaststroker (swimming, people!) and needed to keep her body Cherubian in order to shave (sorry) seconds off her time. I'm guessing that's not the case, however.

As my friend Marie put it, "I think a partner does have a right to ask (not demand), but if she says no, it's her labia." It's not as loaded of a premise, but I know plenty of gals who aren't the least bit perturbed to ask their boyfriends to shave or trim their beard, especially if it causes unpleasant friction or houses small animals. Again, no one's obligated to actually change their appearance for their partner, but with some sensitivity, such requests don't have to be a big to-do.

If you'll allow me to wax on this further, be sure you ask your girlfriend politely, and don't ambush her.* Tell her you'd like to see how sex feels with a buffer. Tell her you find nether beards unbelievably sexy (but don't call it a nether beard). Tell her that you are aghast, AGHAST!, at the unrealistic, hairless femmebot bodies in advertisements and porn, and that you long for those bygone days (the '80s and '90s) where it was standard for women to be natural and Nair-free. Hell, she might be thrilled that you appreciate some undergrowth. Maybe she's been waiting for just such an opportunity to redecorate Hair Force One.

If not, though, you'll have to drop it. Remember that old saying, a hand in the bush is worth two Brazillians. Wait, that can't be right.

*Apparently hair questions turn otherwise normal advice columnists into terrible pun-makers. Witness Slate's Dear Prudence post on the topic, if you don't believe me.

My girlfriend sent me this text: U kno whats weird? I think we r have more fun togets doing not so fun things (like cleaning) instead of things that shd be fun (bars, drinkings etc). Anna, I'm curious, what does this mean? —Decoder required

It means she probably shouldn't be going to bars in the 4th grade. Oh wait.

It means she thinks boozing is overrated and she wants to do domestic, "boring" things with you instead of getting wasted all the time. You should probably listen to her and act accordingly.

Want to ask Anna an anonymous question about love, sex or dating? Email your quandary to redeyedating@gmail.com. 

Need to give your dating life a boost? Sign up for RedEye Dating. Pick dates, not people.

Copyright © 2015, RedEye
Related Content
  • Do I tell my friend I'm dating her ex?
    Do I tell my friend I'm dating her ex?

    I've been seeing one of my friend's exes. She was a very close friend years ago, but our relationship has dwindled. They were broken up for two years before we got together, but my friend was totally in love with him when they were dating, he broke her heart, and it took her a very long time to...

  • How to get over an inappropriate crush
    How to get over an inappropriate crush

    If you like a girl who's dating a good friend of yours, what do you do? They started dating about two months ago and I couldn't say anything because of my bro-code obligation. And now, I like her even more and I can't just forget about her or stop liking her since she is a permanent member of the...

  • I'm bi, my girlfriend's bi-curious. How do I support her exploration?
    I'm bi, my girlfriend's bi-curious. How do I support her exploration?

    I've recently come out as a bi man. Luckily, I've found an amazing "bi curious" girlfriend who's understanding. We have great sex. The relationship is developing nicely. One problem though, curiously, is her bi curiosity. To feel comfortable committing to the relationship, she needs the option...

  • If you have an affair with a married man, be prepared to hear from his wife
    If you have an affair with a married man, be prepared to hear from his wife

    So, I had a tryst with a married man. I thought better of it eventually and ended it, but his wife still found out. And recently, she wrote me an email. I don't know his wife at all. What is my responsibility here? Do I write her back? Should I stay the f**k out of it (even though clearly I'm already...

  • Rain on Sunday and relatively cool week ahead
    Rain on Sunday and relatively cool week ahead

    With low pressure moving through the Chicago area from the west, Sunday looks to be a cloudy, windy, cool day and the prelude to a cool week ahead. Highs on Sunday will struggle to rise out of the 50s with a strong east to southeast wind holding lakefront readings closer to the 50-degree mark....

  • 1 killed, 4 wounded in city shootings
    1 killed, 4 wounded in city shootings

    One man was killed, and at least four others were wounded in shootings across the city since Saturday afternoon.

  • Chicago Blackhawks vs. Nashville Predators: Game 2 in Hawks players statistics
    Chicago Blackhawks vs. Nashville Predators: Game 2 in Hawks players statistics

    Well that escalated quickly. The Predators got off to an early lead against the Hawks and kept that momentum throughout the game, exploding in the third period for a 6-2 win against the Hawks. Patrick Kane and Patrick Sharp were the only two Hawks to score in Friday's game. Here's a breakdown of...

  • Baconfest Chicago 2015
    Baconfest Chicago 2015

    Sweet, salty, savory and satisfying. That just about sums up Baconfest 2015 in all its glory. With all three sessions of Baconfest sold out, event planners expected 4,500 guests to indulge in about 8,000 pounds of bacon. More than 170 restaurants served up deliciously creative bacon-inspired dishes...