Entertainment Dating
Entertainment Entertainment Dating

Advice: I hate it when my boyfriend cries

I feel like a jerk about this but I can’t stand it when my boyfriend cries. What do I do?-- Don’t Cry Me A River

You “can’t stand it” because it makes you feel upset and helpless, or you “can’t stand it” because he’s a dude and we all know the only fluid manly men are allowed to leak is of a southern variety (and I don’t mean cheesy grits!)?

I hope it’s the former because good god, let men cry! They already can’t hug each other without being called homophobic slurs (unless it’s in a sports context--after beating on each other for hours, they are allowed a few tepid butt slaps), the least we can do as humanity is let them have an iota of an emotion on occasion. Would you rather he punch a hole in the wall instead? Is that more of an acceptable male response?

Despite our cultural prevalence for the tough, tearless man, science and biology are firmly on the side of saline. Suppressing the urge to cry can trigger physiological changes that lead to worse ailments, such as high blood pressure. Also, a study published in the journal Psychology of Men & Masculinity found that football players who cried about game outcomes reported higher levels of self-esteem as opposed to their stoic, dry-eyed counterparts.

It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a healthy and natural bodily response, like sweating. Granted, you didn’t elaborate much on the circumstances of your boyfriend’s weeping. If he has long-term, crippling anxiety or is incessantly crying over menial things like “Celebrity Ghost Stories” or the less riveting Taster’s Choice coffee commercials, deeper problems are probably at stake, and he probably needs to get to a therapist pronto. If he’s crying over Adele’s “Someone Like You,” that’s fine. That song is engineered to make us cry, fer real.

If your concern stems from genuinely not knowing how to help, then stay calm, resist the urge to try to “fix” anything the next time it happens, and focus on being comforting, nonjudgmental and empathetic, i.e. the way you expect to be treated when you cry. Let him cry if he needs to--who knows, maybe he’s been suppressing this shit for years and the faucet has finally burst.

And don’t forget to follow the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you when you have snot in your hair.

Want to ask Anna an anonymous question about love, sex or dating? Email your quandary to redeyedating@gmail.com.  Need to give your dating life a boost? Sign up for RedEye Dating.

Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye's Facebook page

Copyright © 2015, RedEye
Related Content
  • Violence touching unlikely communities in Chicago

    Violence touching unlikely communities in Chicago

    Diane Limas says the sound of gunfire has become so common outside her house in Chicago's Albany Park neighborhood that she's frequently calling police to complain.

  • Road to record Emanuel tax hike paved by delays, 'gimmicks'

    Road to record Emanuel tax hike paved by delays, 'gimmicks'

    Moments after taking the oath of office, Mayor Rahm Emanuel told Chicagoans he had "been clear about the hard truths and tough choices we face" and vowed to put "the city of Chicago's financial house in order."

  • Posh Water Tower Place condo: $1.995M

    Posh Water Tower Place condo: $1.995M

    180 E Pearson Street Unit 3301: $1,995,000  Listed on July 17, 2015 Enjoy exceptional north/west views of Michigan Avenue and the lake from the 33rd floor of this three-bedroom-plus-den condo with two full and one-half baths. The perfect combination of elegance and comfort, this 2784-square-foot...

  • Northerly Island's nature preserve now open

    Northerly Island's nature preserve now open

    The only thing that lands on Northerly Island now are birds and butterflies.

  • Where to go to laugh while The Second City undergoes repairs

    Where to go to laugh while The Second City undergoes repairs

    The early-afternoon fire on Aug. 26 that started in the Adobo Grill restaurant next door to The Second City has forced the historic theater to move or cancel all of its performances in their Mainstage, e.t.c and UP Comedy Club theaters until at least Sunday, Sept. 20, which will mark 26 days without...

  • City to offer ticket, tax amnesty program

    City to offer ticket, tax amnesty program

    Faced with pushing through City Council a massive property tax increase and other fees as part of a 2016 budget, Mayor Rahm Emanuel is trying to slightly soften that politically difficult package by offering an amnesty program for people who have unpaid tickets and back taxes they owe the city.

Comments
Loading
76°