Unless it’s to inform him about a strangely belated case of the clap, don’t tell him. A confession this late in the game is pointless; it’s just going to reopen an old wound that doesn’t need to be opened. Doing so would make you feel better, but him feel worse. It’s not up to your ex-boyfriend to absolve you from your crappy behavior. It’s up to you. You have to learn from it. And that requires taking a good long look at your past choices and determining not to repeat the ones that make you feel like shit. Now you know cheating is one of those things for you. Yay, learning things the hard way!
We all have done things we regret--we’ve been mean and hurtful to those we love, we’ve betrayed people’s trust, we’ve lied, been jealous and inconsiderate--but those instances don’t have to define us. It’s perfectly reasonable to reflect on the ways we’ve behaved poorly, but it’s not OK to live in that regret. Doing so only serves to fuel the fires of our self-loathing.
If you need to atone for your indiscretion, then do it, but do it privately. Write a letter to him but don’t send it. Be super-extra nice to everyone you meet. Volunteer. Serving others who are less fortunate than me has never failed to put my Inflated White Girl Problems into perspective. If you’re the kind of person who believes in karma, then put that karmic shift back into the plus side. If you’re the kind of person who thinks that’s all a bunch of witchy crap, then practice acceptance in whatever way resonates with you. The important part is to be the kind of person you want to become. Live with intention. Recognize that all of your actions have consequences, and behave accordingly.
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