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Advice: His fist pleases me more

I'm a single mom and had been out of the dating scene since my youngest (now 10) was born. I recently became involved with a man that introduced me to fisting. I have to admit, though, albeit strange and new, it was more pleasurable than his penis. I reached a more intense orgasm with his fist. Two-part question: Is fisting common or new? And why does he get mad at me after I've had a fist orgasm? It's not my fault his fist pleases me more. Thank you.

You know, in all my years of advice-giving, I’ve heard some pretty strange things, but this is the first instance I’ve encountered where a man was jealous of his own fist. Fisting, for those who don’t know, is the sexual act of inserting a fist into the vagina or anus. It has also been called “handballing,” “brachioproctic insertion,” and in certain kinky business circles, “Trumping Donald.”

As to the origins of fisting, information on the topic is, well, slippery. The Roman emperor Caligula was rumored to have engaged in anal fisting. One website cites a text by Jack Morin, author of “Anal Pleasure & Health,” which claims to have found references of fisting in India around 200 B.C., where priests would fist their pupils during meditation to test how relaxed they were. And one thread pins fisting origins on philosopher and grad-school staple Michel Foucault. While I couldn’t verify any of these scenarios, (the Foucault theory is especially improbable), it’s likely that fisting has been going on for a long time, but that it wasn’t being written about in Ladies Home Journal and what-have-you. Sexpert Tristan Taormino pegs the popularization of the act to the ‘60s and ‘70s, when gay leathermen brought private fisting clubs to major metropolitan areas during the sexual revolution. Just another reason to thank your local leathermen the next time you find yourself at Touché or Jackhammer.

Is it common? Probably not as common as porn would have us believe (but then, what is?). However, it’s common enough to have a handful (no pun intended) of books devoted to the topic, such as “A Hand in the Bush: the Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting,” “Fisting: Care, Responsibility and Trust,” and the even less subtle, “Fist Me! The Complete Guide to Fisting.”

As to why your lover gets mad at you after giving you “intense orgasms with his fist,” I’d venture a guess that he’s either insecure about his girth or has some strange notion that pleasure-giving when his penis isn’t directly involved doesn’t “count.” (Out of curiosity, does he also think oral doesn’t count as sex?) At the very least, remind him that his fist, much like his penis, is attached to him, and therefore he gets the credit for helping you achieve all those great orgasms. If he keeps that crap up though, find a new lover that will give you a hand without all the sex shaming.

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