By @jessicagalliart and @ernestwilkins
3:45 PM CDT, May 9, 2013
When you're around the internet as much as we are, you tend to notice patterns. Specificially, you notice that men and women seem to keep repeating the same mistakes. Below are 10 things both women and men need to stop saying as soon as possible.
WOMEN: “I just get along better with guys!”
No, you don’t. You just make poor choices of which women you pursue to be your friends, based on whatever bullshit factors will prop you up further (popularity, money, connections, looks) instead of only hanging out with PEOPLE YOU ACTUALLY ENJOY.
MEN: Calling women crazy.
The sure-fire way to send a woman tumbling off the edge during an argument. Have fun chasing her down Clark Street at 2 a.m., doofus.
WOMEN: “You’re the one making us crazy!”
Copout. YOU are making yourself crazy by reacting to whatever dumb thing a guy did or said to you LIKE A MENTALLY UNSTABLE PERSON. Nobody controls your reactions or emotions except you.
MEN AND WOMEN: Men aren’t “real men”/Women aren’t ”classy ladies” anymore.
If you were born after 1979, shut the hell up, turn off “Mad Men,” and embrace the fact that you have unrealistic expectations based upon years of watching TV instead of interacting with the opposite sex.
MEN+WOMEN: “That just who I am / I just do me.”
Prime example of using empty phrases. What does this even MEAN?
WOMEN: “I’m not like most girls.”
True! You’re even more of an evil bitch than “most girls” when you feel slighted.
WOMEN: “I can’t handle all of this negative energy.”
While there actually is some legitimacy in the effects of another person’s negativity permeating the air--go to therapy, you guys!--women who throw this out whenever they feel uncomfortable or attacked are just repeating garbage they heard on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” to sound above it all and to avoid, um, life.
MEN: “Women don’t like good guys. They only like guys that treat them like crap.”
You aren’t a nice guy though. You’re entitled. You think that being a doormat and pretending like you care when you actually don’t entitles you to love and/or sex. Sorry, chief. Be honest with what you want from the beginning next time.
WOMEN: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
I’m sorry, but do you mean “At best, this is my defense mechanism to excuse my ridiculous behavior and the fact that I still haven’t let my college days go?”
WOMEN: “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.”
Go look in the mirror. Ask yourself the following question:
1. Are you over the age of 21?
If your answer is “Yes,” then stop. What is this, AIM? Coco Chanel had another quote you may find more rewarding: “The most courageous act is still to think for yourself.” Try it.
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