Toxic co-workers and the boss double-cross

Warning: This column contains references to flatulence and 14th century poetry. Steel yourself.

On to the questions:

Q: During occasional lunches with my company's president and vice president, both would invariably complain about the poor work product of the administrative assistant we three shared. After the assistant botched yet another important project, I politely encouraged her to take more time and double-check her work. She later went to the president to complain. He called us both into his office and proceeded to chew me out in front of her. What should I have done differently? How should I have responded to the president?

— Anonymous, via email

A: Ouch. The old Big Boss Double-Cross. (I don't know if that's actually a thing — just made it up.)

What you've presented is a perfect example of what happens when people in the workplace fail to properly communicate up and down the chain of command.

I ran the scenario by Janet Letourneau, a career coach, organizational behavior expert and founder of Massachusetts-based Peak Performers.

"What we have here is three people who are all at fault," she said. "Nobody did a good job of managing relationships."

First off, the person asking this question clearly didn't do a good job of setting expectations for the administrative assistant. Letourneau said the first thing any manager should do is make sure an employee knows what is expected, understands the manager's quirks and habits, and feels they can approach the manager if confused or frustrated.

Second, the administrative assistant should never have gone over her manager's head. It's incumbent on an employee to "manage up," to make sure she understands what her boss wants and expects and to feel comfortable taking criticism and asking direct questions when there's a problem.

"Both sides need to manage the relationship," Letourneau said. "The boss isn't perfect. You're expecting them to be almost like God and manage the relationship, but you have as much responsibility as they do to make sure things work."

Lastly, the president did a lousy job of managing his relationship with the person who wrote in. If criticizing an administrative assistant's work is a no-no, the middle-manager had a right to know that and shouldn't be yelled at in front of the assistant.

This was a triangle of failed communication, but hopefully there's a lesson to be learned.

"In the workplace, we're not thinking about how critical those relationships are to help us ultimately in our productivity," Letourneau said. "Everyone in an office needs to take responsibility for properly managing their relationships."

Q: How do you deal with a toxic co-worker or manager?

— Anonymous, via email

A: Because you can't "unfriend," "unfollow" or "delete" a person you cross paths with each day — and because laser guns have yet to be invented — a bad-seed colleague is a nettlesome and common problem.

Dorothy Tannahill Moran, an Oregon-based career development expert and founder of a company called Next Chapter New Life, gave me some of the more smart and pragmatic thoughts I've heard on wrangling with toxic co-workers.

"For the majority of people that you're going to encounter at work, standard operating procedure for behavior is just fine: Just be yourself," she said. "But then you're going to have outliers where that's just not fine. That means you have to adapt, and you need to be smart about what you're adapting to."

Here's where it gets sneaky!

Moran suggests observing the behavior of the problem person, understanding the circumstances that trigger undesired behavior and the type of response the person has to those situations. In essence, know your enemy.

The better you understand how that person behaves, the more skilled you can be at working around him or her.

"All too often we get hooked into emotional responses, and that continues to perpetuate the problem," Moran said. "You need to rise above it and think, 'What is this person doing that's tweaking me, and what are the situations where this happens?' Then you can problem-solve."

Try various approaches to dealing with the person. Make a game out of besting the toxic person with stealth.

And if that doesn't work, laser guns can't be that far off.

Q: How does one handle a situation where a female employee passes audible gas anywhere in the office, including in other colleague's offices and sometimes even during conversation, and doesn't acknowledge it in any way?

—Colleen, via email

A: Like most 40-year-old men, I have the comedic sophistication of a 12-year-old. And so it was with unparalleled excitement that I finally received a question about passing gas.

Listen, I'm not ashamed to say that I think farts — yeah, I did it, I dropped the f-word — are hilarious. They're the foundation of comedy, dating to Geoffrey Chaucer's "The Canterbury Tales," in which a character unleashes a "fart as loud as it had been a thunderclap."

Quite frankly, Colleen, your co-worker has given you one of the all-time great office stories. I think you should let her keep doing what she does so the story can live on. Maybe start a blog about it.

On the practical side, however, you have two choices.

If someone in the office is friends with this woman, they need to take her aside and gently make her aware that her habit is being noticed. It won't be an easy conversation, but it clearly needs to happen, for her sake and the good of the office.

The second, and probably better, option is to take the issue to your boss. Managers are paid more because they occasionally have to deal with people who pass gas uncontrollably.

The boss must handle this situation carefully, as there may well be a legitimate health problem involved. It will take a delicate touch and should be approached from the standpoint of sincere concern for the employee.

In other words, no jokes.

Leave that part to me.

TALK TO REX: Ask workplace questions — anonymously or by name — and share stories with Rex Huppke at, like Rex on Facebook at and find more at

Copyright © 2015, RedEye
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