Is there a computer expert available to check the scoring equipment at the Palais des Exhibitions in Nice, France?
I want to find out whether the scores for Wednesday's short dance at the World Figure Skating Championships were inputted last week or last month.
Because I can't shake the notion that sometime earlier this season, the pooh-bahs-that-be in the International Skating Union decided U.S. couples Meryl Davis - Charlie White and the Shibutani siblings, Maia and Alex, were last year's flavors.
And I still don't believe there is anything rational or mathematical about ice dance judging, no matter how people swear the new judging system has cleaned up a discipline in which the results had been a predetermined fraud for decades.
So let's see what we have here.
Davis and White, the reigning world champions, are in second after getting a score (70.98) more than five points below their season best.
The Shibutanis, reigning bronze medalists, are in seventh with a score (62.35) more than three points below their season best.
The couples in first, third, fourth, fifth and sixth places all got season bests.
No one doubts that leaders Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir of Canada are extraordinary dancers. They are the reigning Olympic champions, and they overcame injuries to get second a year ago.
Now they lead Davis and White by 1.33 going into Thursday's free dance.
Tell me you didn't see that coming after the Canadians beat Davis and White at Four Continents last month.
Wednesday the judges didn't even try to rationalize the scores by giving lower difficulty levels and base values to Davis and White. They just gave lower scores.
And tell me you are the least bit surprised that French couple Nathalie Pechalat and Fabian Bourzat are third after the short dance, even if they may deserve to be. (Who knows? Ice dance can't really be quantified, no matter how convoluted a system someone devises. It always will be a case of you say tomAYto and I say tomAHto.)
Maybe it won't seem this cooked up in the free dance.
At least it's French cooking.
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