Bears owe Goodell

Roger Goodell just gave the Bears a season.

No, the NFL Commissioner didn’t send out a press release. And no, he did not appear on NFL Network to explain how and why. But when Lord Roger Voldemort sent his Death Eaters to New Orleans in the wake of the Saints’ bounty program, he carted off the Saints’ 2012 hopes and gave the Bears a season in the process.

Well, more of a season than the Bears expected when the week began. Whatever, the dirty, lying, arrogant Saints are dead this year. A 13-3 division winner is done, finished, o-vah. An 8-8 team has more postseason possibilities.

The Saints lost their head coach for a year, their general manager for a half a season, and their assistant head coach for six games, with player punishment still to come.

See ya next Mardi Gras.

The dirty, lying, arrogant Sean Payton got himself a year for his nefarious role in the pay-for-paralysis program. That’s the biggest thank-you the Bears owe.

No football, no coaching, no continued grooming of his Super Bowl contender for lying about a plan that ran three years at a time when the NFL went from selling violence to defending against lawsuits claiming the league ignored the disastrous effects of that violence.

No $6 million salary, too, which Payton apparently didn’t think he would lose the same way he apparently believed he was too smart or too bulletproof to get caught. The price of hubris just went up, ladies and gentlemen.

That’s the biggest reason the Saints are dead this year. When the head coach is deposed for a year --- that kind of head coach serving as offensive coordinator --- it’s disastrous. No season, no preseason, no offseason, no tentacles everywhere in the organization.

I’m sure Payton will cheat the terms of his suspension and develop lines of communication to make sure he gets done what he can. It fits the lying, arrogant Payton profile. But I can’t see that working well, so in terms of coach-as-emperor, the loss of Payton is a death penalty.

And that’s good for the Bears. They didn’t do a thing this week, and they’re already in better shape this season.

Speaking of the Bears and how the Saints got pounded, let’s play what-if. Where would the Bears be they had been busted like the dirty, lying, arrogant Saints?

Using the same titles, the Bears would lose head coach Lovie Smith for a year, defensive coordinator Rod Marinelli indefinitely, and assistant head coach Mike Tice for six games. Tice is also the offensive coordinator now, so you’ve lost your second coordinator.

As for the general manager, Phil Emery just got here, so I imagine Jerry Angelo would be suspended in absentia. Actually, if the Bears had done what the dirty, lying, arrogant Saints did, I believe Goodell would force the Bears to have Angelo run another draft.

But anyway, the Bears would need a new head coach and two new coordinators.

I don’t know what the Bears would do for a head coach, but I know that the team’s clock management would become better immediately. And I know what I would do: talk Tony Dungy into a year sabbatical from NBC. Look, Smith has been running Dungy’s Tampa-2 defense mthat he learned from Dungy in, yes, Tampa, so of course you bring in that guy.

I mean, who do you have on staff who would be better or even as good? Bob Babich? Stop. No. Babich couldn’t run the defense before, even with Smith telling him how to do it, and now you’d let that guy off the leash? Don’t think so.

As for the offense, there would be more hope because it would be Jay Cutler telling Jeremy Bates how things are going to be done. Bates was in Denver when Cutler broke in and appeared to be Cutler’s first, second and third choice to replace Mike Martz’s cabana boy Shane Day. If the Bears were slammed like the Saints, they could make that side of the ball work.

After all, if Cutler could tell that lunatic Martz how it was going to be last season, then he could certainly do it more productively and less defiantly with someone he successfully worked with before.

Not that you wouldn’t miss Tice on the sideline, but where the Bears would decidedly feel his loss is during the week developing the offensive line. The Bears might be saying they like their linemen, but they’re the only ones. Yeah, the line became better as soon as Martz got the boot, but it didn’t go from worst to first.

Understand, that’s the best-case scenario if the Bears were the Saints. The whole scheme looks like a long shot. I don’t know how the Saints will fill the coaching spots, but losing dirty, lying, arrogant Payton as the guy in charge of maybe the best offense in the league and the entire team ends their season right now.

So, Goodell gave the Bears a season.

And it would be so Bears to immediately lose that season when Goodell levels Brandon Marshall for that incident in New York before the Bears acquired him.

 

Copyright © 2015, RedEye
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