This has been one bad, ugly and stupid offseason for the White Sox,which followed their bad, ugly and stupid regular season, so, hey, love your consistency, guys.
“Good guys wear bad, ugly and stupid.’’ Whaddaya think? Good slogan? Liking it?
Yes. Well then. Moving right along, the Sox offseason just keeps getting worse after the best team in the AL Central just signed the best left-handed slugger available.
Prince Fielder is just 27 and just entering his prime after averaging 40 homers and 113 RBIs the last five years. And now, the new Detroit first baseman gets 18 games against the Sox stiffs, er, Sox staff without Mark Buehrle, whose departure resonates as yet another special piece of Sox offseason magic that has brought zero joy and less hope to fans.
So, yeah, you know, enjoy SoxFest this weekend.
The Sox can only pray that this left-handed slugger coming from the National League to the AL Central will stink on ice the way Adam Dunn has. Rally ‘round that, Sox fans, and be sure to get your tickets for “Adam Dunn Rosary Beads And Candles Night.’’
On the day the Tigers announced Fielder, Dunn pronounced himself ready to go. Don’t look at me. That’s what the big donkey said, adding that he doesn’t need another month before spring training. Seeing as how Dunn has such great, I don’t know, credibility with Sox fans, I’m sure everybody’s believing that.
Way back on Monday --- I think it was Monday, but it’s just so hard to remember amid all the wonderful Sox doings this week --- Chairman Reinsdorf came out with an oddly timed and clunky “Get Out of Jail Free’’ card for Ozzie Guillen.
Connecting the dots from the week before, broken-down waste of money Jake Peavy meekly referenced Guillen’s leaving for Miami before the season ended and wondered on WSCR 670-AM, “Who quit on who?’’
Guillen followed with tweets that indicated he would empty the magazine that is his mouth when he came to Chicago. The Chairman didn’t want to continue that tiresome crap, so he tried to stanch it by releasing a statement pardoning Guillen, who might not have quit on the team the way everybody thinks, but he certainly made it all about his contract selfishness a month earlier when the Sox were facing their last best chance to have a season.
So, that’s how the week of SoxFest began, with the Sox running for cover, and now we know that management can’t play defense any better than the guys in uniform do.
Don’t forget that the offseason featured general manager Kenny Williams’ saying he was rebuilding, except he can’t rebuild when he’s stuck with the Dunn, Peavy and Alex Rios boondoggles.
As part of his obviously confused mind and having no idea how to rebuild, Williams traded his young closer and heart-of-the-order outfielder for, I believe, let me check, yes, a handful of magic beans.
The Sox tried to make you forget how screwed they are by naming Robin Ventura the new manager. He was beloved as a player, he’s one of the best people you could know, he has never managed. Yes. Well. There is that.
Thing is, managing doesn’t seem to be his job. Oh, he’ll do that job, but mostly it seems the Sox want him out front to deodorize the stink emanating from the South Side slaughterhouse.
Fact is, if the Sox wanted to market this stench honestly, they’d schedule a giveaway day where they slap Ventura’s image on one of those car freshener thingies you hang from the rear-view mirror.
Or maybe we take up a collection to get Ventura a drum of Febreze he can use when Rios is around.
So, you get the idea, the whole thing reeks. It’s aggravating in some ways, pitiable in others, and don’t forget hopeless. This has been some offseason for the second baseball team in town. Geez, this has been some week, and it’s only half-over.
Tell you what, if they really wanted to create a buzz for SoxFest, they’d introduce Theo Epstein.